It's time to dream again.

I know, it's been a while. People have been asking, where I've been. Well, I've been here. I've had alot going on, but I am doing good.

I've been reading the word mostly. I've been in Luke, and so lately I've been able to read more and more. Which is a good thing.

I've been encouraged to write, even if it's short, so here it is.

Mainly I've been getting used to changes in life and that is a good thing.

It's time to dream again because God is doing a NEW thing.

Let your life count!

About a week ago, my husband challenged me.

He said - Don't underestimate your gifts, how much you hear from God and how much you have to give. At that time, I was just waking up and I really didn't want to hear it, but I smiled at him and said - ok.

Last night I had this dream. In my dream it was like I was watching a movie and I was in the movie. I am walking around going through some streets and then I'm standing next to a wall. All the sudden there's a truck coming towards the wall, the truck hits the wall and next thing I know, I am laying there on the ground. In the dream I can feel my life leaving my body... I realize I'm dying, then I say to myself: "Let your life count" .... then I die. I immediately wake up.

I 'm getting ready for work with these words resounding in my spirit... let your life count... let your life count. Hmmm. So, I write these words on FB and just keep them in my heart.

Tonight during the service, Cindy Jacobs was sharing a powerful story and she started saying that same phrase... let your life count.... I was just totally freaking out, because at the end of the story that she was telling, the three people she was talking about, they die. One of them- her last words were " let your life count".

I don't think my life is ending. However, I am dying to many things in my life and many fears that I have had for a long time. I believe that is what the death in my dream represented. It's really given me alot to think about.

I wonder how many times I have set aside words, thoughts, inspirations, feelings, and dreams and how would my life be different right now, if I would have followed through. I know there's a time and season for everything, but now more than ever I am really aware of how much God is speaking to me and that He has so many dreams for me to fulfill.

One of the reasons why I started writing my thoughts on this blog was so that I would have a place where I could express myself and not bury my dreams. I don't know if anyone is reading, or if it's even making a difference to anyone out there... I am doing this for me, and it's making a difference in me. I am giving life to my dreams and inspirations and I am making my life count.

At the end of the service, Cindy Jacobs compelled us to ask the Lord to "PICK ME!"

I said to the Lord, "PICK ME!"

And He said to me: I did...

"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find [Me], when you search for Me with all your heart." Jeremiah 29:11-13

Look

Look, look… then look again.

You can hear so much when you listen to people talk about their day, at the end of the day.

What went right, what went wrong, what they finished, and how much they have to do tomorrow.

I wonder how much we actually listen to ourselves talk… Maybe it’s time to sit still, listen and be thankful.

In January of 2007 the Lord spoke a word to me:

“This year you will turn your losses into gain, you will find gain in all of your losses and you will look and see depth.”

I’m sure that if I really took the time, I could list the losses and the gains and all the stuff I saw during those 1,000+ days…

Today, I just want to say: “Thanks God!” for the tears, for the laughs, for the days.

“Likewise I, God will comfort Zion, comfort all her mounds of ruins. I’ll transform her dead ground into Eden, her moonscape into the garden of God, A place filled with exuberance and laughter, thankful voices and melodic songs.” Isaiah 51:3 MSG

Resignation

Today I resigned from the ministry. I quit! Again....

Instead of reviewing our agendas and giving our updates, our entire leadership team had a three hour prayer meeting and encountered the presence of God. Most of us quit today... We resigned from doing things as we've done them in the past, to our old ways and to anything that has become chaff in our lives.

As I was in a place of surrender, I was asking the Lord to enlighten the eyes of my understanding.

Ezra 9:8 says: "And now for a little while grace has been shown from the Lord our God, to leave us a remnant to escape, and to give us a peg in His holy place, that our God may enlighten our eyes and give us a measure of revival in our bondage."

I thought to myself, well I'm not in bondage... But really when I stopped to think about my life, I realized that I had many idols. I saw clearly areas of my life and things that I have done - on my own - in His name.

We create idols when we place others, things, or ourselves, in a place where only God should be. I actually started seeing myself as the candle burning out, on both ends, at late hours for all the wrong reasons.

So, I challenge you now... to resign from your own ways, to look at your life and review what you do and why you do it. Resign from your titles, from your gifts, from your personality, and from any area that takes the place that you should give to your Beloved.

Only then can your really be free.

2010

Way before 11:59pm on December 31, 2009, I was hearing a few things for me personally. Some by personal revelation, some from others. With open hands I received and here is what I got.

In 2010:

1. Do NOT bury your dreams.

2. Have COURAGE to re-invent yourself.

3. Do NOT be a copy-cat.

4. Get your stuff in order... I know people say HOUSE in order, but for me it's not just my house, it's just STUFF. You know what I mean...

5. Bring order in your finances. (This one is fully loaded. No explanation needed.)

6. Doors will be opened, some with keys and some will be automatic doors. You just need to walk up to them.

7. Continue to believe and breathe on your children's dreams.

8. Strengthen relationships.

9. Write and write and write some more.

10. Believe in your prophetic gift and don't second guess yourself.

I've made excuses the last few days, and now I'm jumping off the cliff! Here I come 2010!!

Butterfly

What's the first thing you think of when you picture a butterfly? The colors, the way it graciously floats in the air, the elusiveness of this beautiful creature. How many times have you seen a butterfly and have tried to touch it or catch it and just as you reach over, it flutters away. Leaving you looking at it as it goes to it's next stop. Have you considered how much you and I are so much like her?

I was in that state of almost awake, but still asleep a few days ago, and I was thinking about butterflies. So, I just stayed there for a moment in stillness and considered the butterfly. I remembered it's symbolism in a movie and how the main character of that movie chose to die to save the human race. Then as I decided to fully awake, I turned the television on. A few moments after that, they were talking about butterflies. I immediately thought.... there's a thread here...

We know that the butterfly has been through a transformation. It started as a caterpillar, who has burrowed in a cocoon and through the struggle of fighting out of that cocoon becomes beautiful and colorful. This makes me think, woah, that's so much like me. Even in my current state, I can think of many areas of my life where I am struggling. To know that when I come out of this struggle, the beauty of the victory is going to be like my beautiful wings that carry me over.

So, today, I embrace my struggles. I embrace the process of my transformation and I look forward to the flight that will soon follow.